This is how we live our lives, out

Having spent the last decade working in the LGBTQ+ housing sector, I’m used to the mania that goes hand in hand with History Month, the chaos of Pride season and coming up with ways to demonstrate and express just how much LGBTQ+ charitable and non-profit organisations do for the community all year round.

I’ve moved from sharing the stories of (predominantly) youth LGBTQ+ homelessness, to the stories and experiences of the elders within our community buying their first LGBT+ retirement homes. The homes they ‘didn’t think they’d live to see’. 

It was confirmed in the recent 2023 Census that there are over 125,000 LGBT+ older people living in London and there is an ever-increasing demand for housing, support and care for the LGBT+ community.

LGBT+ people experience the same issues that cisgender, heterosexual people face as they get older; social isolation, declining mental and physical health issues and loneliness. And LGBT+ people face additional vulnerabilities, a recent Opening Doors report evidencing an accelerated decline in physical health than our het/cis peers as a result of living with years of stigma and discrimination. Many within the community have no children or grandchildren to care for them or provide companionship and so are more likely to live alone for longer. 

Tonic Housing is the UK’s first LGBT+ affirmative retirement housing provider. We are a non-profit, community-led organisation, focused on creating vibrant and inclusive LGBT+ affirmative communities where people can share common experiences, find mutual support, and enjoy their later life. 

We were founded in 2014 to address the issues of loneliness and isolation within the older LGBT+ communities. Before Tonic@BankHouse in 2021, there was no specific housing and support provision for the community.

Rather than just being ‘LGBT+ friendly’, our services are community-led and actively affirming the lives, needs, desires and histories of LGBT+ people. 

We lead and contribute to research, including the Building Safe Choices report, and work collaboratively and in partnership across the care, housing and LGBTQ+ sectors. We join the dots to help LGBT+ people access and navigate the housing system safer, fairer and for the first time with choice.

We are in the process of becoming a Registered Provider which will enable us to offer a range of tenures designed to suit all members of our communities. 

Alongside this, one of our missions is to influence and inspire local government policy and decision-makers and share best practices with other housing providers on how they can be more LGBT+ inclusive and affirming with their customers and residents. 

Bottom line, we want to help everyone understand and create new ways of thinking about LGBT+ housing and retirement. 

What I’ve learned so far

I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of pride and privilege spending time with our residents and learning about the timeline and histories of their lives; their first dates, the ‘scene’ when they were teenagers, facing the loss of entire peer groups, chosen family and lovers to AIDS, suffering further loss in the closure of LGBT venues and social groups, fighting Section 28, to watching the internet unfold and gay marriage become legal.

As well as celebrating recent strides in LGBT+ equality, we must remember those that came before us. So many elders within our community have suffered abuse both openly and covertly in all forms from strangers, their parents, and peers. Many have experienced homelessness and discrimination in their own homes, and all our residents reported having wondered where they were going to spend their final years.

At Tonic, we are so thrilled that our residents and future residents now have a choice about where they live their lives out and can enjoy the retirement they deserve after living lives full of stigma and discrimination. 

I think as a community, we should have a sense of responsibility and duty to support this generation who fought so bravely and suffered repeatedly living as their true, authentic selves. They have paved the way forward so that we have the rights and equality we see today. Without them, we wouldn’t be here.

In a recent article with the Guardian, during his first viewing at Tonic@BankHouse a resident said: ‘I knew I wanted to stay here for the rest of my life’. What a wonderful thing and feeling to have.

I am so proud to be part of making LGBT history this History Month.